The Guardian and Observer: Own The Weekend
There's a great Spongebob Squarepants episode where Squidward (squid, high-minded snob, culture vulture, opinionated blowhard and Spongebob's long-suffering neighbour) moves out of Bikini Bottom and into a sealed community of like-minded people. Or, rather, squids. At first he's delighted to join in with the jazz sessions, interpretative dance workouts, reading groups, food tasting and other middlebrow pursuits. It's not too long, however, before the bourgeois tedium becomes too much and he rebels by playing practical jokes with a leaf blower.
You have to see it really,
Anyway, the point is: Squidward's idea of heaven is pretty much like a Guardian reader's idea of heaven. If they were to own the weekend, it'd be independent shops this, world cinema that and a barely disguised loathing for the working class the other. Plus endless pontificating about Tony Blair, Israel and which private schools are most suitable for people who don't really approve of private schools.
Or as it's portrayed in the kitchen scene in this ad (from 0:39): all modernism exhibitions and salmon for dinner.
Luckily for the rest of us, The Guardian and The Observer don't have enough readers to own anything, let alone the weekend.
It's a decent enough ad though: its tongue-in-cheekness offsetting the rather superior conceit. It'd be even better if they cut out Hugh Grant, made the lift scene less clunky and employed an editor.