Paul Saxton

Advertising and marketing copywriter based in Norwich. I can help you to build your brand by helping you to sell your products and services.

John Lewis at Christmas

Yes, it’s a lovely ad. Very sweet. It taps into the sentimentality of the season and reinforces the idea that John Lewis is more than just a shop that sells stuff. So good work all round.

That said, I do have a few problems with it:

We don’t get that much snow here. The snowman would have melted by a day into his journey.

Once he hit the city someone would have seen him. Gangs of drunken Christmas yobs would have kicked his head in.

His erect carrot nose would have shrivelled and fallen out within a day or two, leaving a huge hole in his face. And what snowwoman could love a snowman with a huge hole in his face?

He would have melted in John Lewis. And there’s no way the staff would have served him. Particularly as he wouldn’t have had any money.

Snowmen can’t walk – they don’t have legs. Snowmen can’t feel love – they don’t have hearts. Or brains. In fact, snowmen aren’t actually alive at all. The whole thing is just silly when you think about it.

His girlfriend doesn’t need gloves. She’s a snowwoman. The gloves would have just warmed her up and melted her. Some gift. And anyway, she has twigs for hands – twigs are unlikely to feel the cold, let alone somehow be connected to a snowwoman’s central nervous system or whatever.

If he really loved her – and he wanted to keep her warm – he would have walked the two steps towards her and given her his scarf. Or given her a hug to keep away the biting wind. Or kissed her or attempted, in vain, to have sex with her. Leaving her alone and dejected like that while he ran the risk of melting or having his head kicked in by drunken Christmas yob isn’t an act of love: it’s an act of utter selfishness. He made it all about him, not about her. Who does he think he is? Ulysses?

But worse, far worse than all of that, is that stupid song. Or, rather, that stupid interpretation of a stupid song. These days all you have to do is find some eighties nonsense and re-do it with a subtle, acoustic, backing and have some young woman emoting all over it. It’s awful and it’s about time it stopped.

Bah humbug.